Sunday, September 23, 2018

Feels vs. Looks

One thing that is very apparent to me after looking back over the past few years is the difference in how I felt vs. how I acted, or what my behavior looked like to others. Being able to review this and ponder on it has helped me tremendously this year as I started to work with a new group of students and some new co-workers. It has taught me that you truly cannot judge a person by their actions unless you understand the “why" behind the behavior.

Today as I was pondering this, I came across a hymn that perfectly describes my struggles the last few years. It is titled "Where Can I Turn For Peace?" and the lyrics were written by Emma Lou Thayne. After singing it again this morning, I realize that my struggle with anxiety has also been a struggle to come closer to my Savior. Here are the lyrics:

Where can I turn for peace?
Where is my solace
When other sources cease to make me whole?
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul?


Where, when my aching grows,
Where, when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand?
He, only One.


He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind,
Love without end.


Image result for savior hugging woman

With all of this in mind, I thought I would share two lists: one about how my anxiety feels, and one about how others have perceived my behavior (including myself at times). I am hoping it can help someone who knows someone else with anxiety be a bit more gentle next time they interact with the person struggling to stay calm.

Anxiety FEELS Like:
Self-Judgement
No Confidence
Stupidity
Fear
Irrational Irritability
Heart Pounding
Difficulty Breathing
Racing Thoughts
Inability to Focus
Depression
Walls Closing In
You Can't Do Anything RIGHT
Nobody Cares or Loves You
You are Trapped
You Cannot Change

Anxiety LOOKS Like:
Judgement Towards Others
Social Withdrawl
Interesting Comments
Unkindness
Anger
Someone Who Doesn't Care
Hypochrondria
Not Listening
Someone Who Won't Help
Someone Who Doesn't Want to be Loved
Someone Who Doesn't Want to Change

Thank you for stopping by today! My words of advice to those suffering from anxiety or depression--please seek professional help! Doing so has changed my life and perspective. I will delve more deeply into that in future posts. For those of you who see someone that looks like the second list, please reach out in love and genuine concern. People suffering with mental difficulties DO need people, even if we push them away at times. Please make sure to keep everything told to you confidential unless the person suffering allows you to share. If they cannot trust you, it will be detrimental to their recovery. Until next time, prayers of peace to all of you!


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